Today without You

Today without you is hard.  In two days it will have been two weeks.  Two weeks since you’ve taken your last breath.  Two weeks since I stepped onto the 5th floor of the hospital.  Two weeks since I’ve gotten to hold your hand and whisper I love you.  It will be two weeks since I’ve gotten to hear your voice.  I miss you!  I know you’re in a better place.  I know you’re not in pain anymore.  I know all this because I knew your heart.  I knew you had a heart for God and that you were a born again child of God.  But just because I know these things, it doesn’t mean I still don’t have days where the wind is knocked out of me.  Memories pop into my mind of you laughing or a conversation we had or a silly text you sent me and all over again I relive the pain of that moment.  The one where I walked in and knew there was no more you.  In that moment I find it hard to breathe.  I can’t catch my breath and I try my hardest to hold back tears.  I close my eyes at night and all I can see is you.  We had so many good memories.  I’m so glad you were at my right hand all those days in church.  It feels empty without you there.  I’ll miss hearing you sing praise and worship.  I know now you’re singing in the most glorious place possible.  You should be so proud of yourself.  You fought a good fight.  A courageous fight.  No one else I know would’ve been able to handle the pain like you did.  I admire you for putting on a strong face and leaning on God when so many others would’ve simply fallen apart.

People tell me that over time the wound will start to heal.  I’m sure there will always be a scar in the place you used to be.  I miss you.  That’s an understatement.  So many times I have to catch myself from picking up my phone to text you.  The only comfort that comes out of this is knowing that one day I’ll see you again.  So promise me one thing…. Whenever it is my time to leave this earth, be waiting for me.  Oh and if Morgan is there give her a hug for me!!  I’ll see you both on the other side.

Until we meet again…

Love you!!!


1 thought on “Today without You”

  1. I am so proud of you baby girl and know that he has heard every word you said. He nor our Lord will let you down. I love all of you also with all of my heart. Mom

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